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The Role of the Villain


Can you think of at least one person in your life that has hurt you, disappointed you, or even abused you? Perhaps it’s been one or both of your parents, a friend, a love partner, or even a co-worker. When this happens, we tend to make the person out to be a villain in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. We become a victim or a martyr. We blame them for how we feel and any actions that we take as a response to their behavior.


Alternatively, we can be the villain in someone else’s life, whether we mean to be or not. The thing is, we cannot control how others perceive us. We have the ability to make choices in how we behave and the things we say. When we are conscious in our thoughts and actions, we can be authentic in ourselves. The idea that “what others think of me is none of my business” can be incorporated into our lives.


In my own life, I have had many “villains,” including my father and several love partners. For years, I placed blame on their behaviors and I made up stories about what that meant in my life. I felt abandoned, unlovable, and unworthy. After years of healing, I now realize all of those villains in my life were there to help me learn lessons and gain the wisdom. I own my responsibility in choosing these situations, even when I was not consciously aware of those choices. I have gained the wisdom of self-love and worthiness. I am never abandoned because I am always with myself and the universal consciousness. Without the so-called villains, I would not have had the opportunity to grow and evolve.


I have been the villain to friends and family members. Although I know my pure intent in my actions or words that I speak, I can’t control how others perceive me. What I have come to understand is that how we perceive others is really a reflection of what is going on inside of us. We are mirrors for each other. Often, we take things personally, when the real intent was not personal in any way. We come into each other’s lives to learn lessons.


Some of the great teachers of the world have been teaching this since we incarnated on the human plane. Recently, I heard a great story from Dr. Sue Morter that explains this villain/victim dynamic. She has us imagine being at a bus stop in the spirit realm. In that realm, we are all loving souls, with no good or bad. We are with other souls that we have been with for eons. In that realm, we decide the roles we will play for each other so we can learn specific lessons in the new life we will incarnate into. We actively choose the life we will be born into before coming into it. The roles we play for each other change dynamics with each different life.


For myself, when I really take in this idea, the role of villain disappears. With my father, I can thank him for the role he played in my life to help me find self-love and worthiness. I can thank my abusive ex-husband for helping me to set and keep boundaries and take back my power. As the perceived villain, I can release any guilt or shame that I might have.



Think about who has been a villain in your life. Can you go beyond your hurt to thank them for what they taught or are teaching you? When you have been the villain, have you made amends or come to peace with your actions? Take time this year to understand the dynamics in your relationships. What are you learning in each one? This is one way to heal yourself.

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