When it comes to love relationships, finding and cultivating healthy relationships proves to be more challenging than we think it will be when we are growing up. From early childhood, we are fed the story of happily ever after in most of the movies and children’s books we read. What we don’t learn from these stories is how to actually achieve healthy, true love, if it’s even possible. The stories usually do not usually go beyond the part where the couple falls in love, which is where the real work of a relationship begins.
Since the age of three years old, I have been searching for my happily ever after. On the journey to find it, I have personally experienced a significant number of unhealthy and toxic relationships. In addition to my own learning experiences, I have observed my friends, family and acquaintances go through some very tough situations. Some of them are currently living the cycle of unhealthy relationships.
One of my spiritual teachers uses the analogy - when you are red in the rainbow, you can’t see the color red. When I was in my abusive marriage, I didn’t see myself as abused until I started seeing it in other couples and noticed my situation was similar. I started believing friends and family who would come to me with their concerns about my partner. It took years. The important thing is I woke up and got myself out of the relationship. I want to encourage and inspire you to muster the courage to change your situation as well.
How we do relationships has everything to do with how our mind is wired. Our issues may come from our parents, our ancestors, experiences with significant others, or a combination of all of these. We carry forward karmic energy from past lives that needs to be completed. Whatever the reason, we can reveal the wound and heal it to change our current and future reality.
When we begin to look at our patterns of love relationships in our lives, it is important to see the love story running in the back of our minds. We come into life in particular familial situations. Once we are born, we have no conscious control over the beliefs of our parents and family members seeping into our minds. Some ideas are told to us over and over. Other ideas we get from observing our family.
As we get older, we have patterns of thoughts and behaviors we may not understand and want to change. A lot of ideas we carry may not even be our own. They could stem from how our parents felt when we were in the womb and then got transferred to us. They could be carried in our ancestral bloodline, being genetically passed down to us through the generations. Scientists have recently discovered that our epigenetic DNA is passed down through 14 generations, so the emotional issues that our ancestors had are embedded into our own DNA.
The first step in being able to change our patterns and behaviors begins with determining the root cause of those issues. When we identify the root cause, we can make changes. Think about your relationship history and identify patterns that you repeat. Take a deep look into how you were raised and the stories that were told to you, as well as what you observed. Go back even farther to understand how your parents and grandparents were raised and the ideas that were passed down about relationships. Expose your subconscious beliefs, so that you can begin to heal those wounds. Love can be yours.